You Have a Choice

It’s been fifteen years since my daughter was in grade school and I still remember an incident I overheard one day when I went to pick her up after school. Sitting in my car with the windows down I watched a young boy about eight years old standing a few feet away his irritation obvious by his pacing. A car pulled up beside me. The boy stomped over, snatched open the door and yelled, “Where the hell have you been?” The mother’s response flabbergasted me. “I’m sorry,” she said. She then immediately began explaining why she was late. It took all my resources to restrain myself from leaping from the car snatching the kid out, popping him in the mouth, and giving him a good lesson on how NOT to speak to the woman who had labored to give him life. I couldn’t even mark this up to “Oh, he’s just trying to be cool in front of his friends.” Nope, because he was standing there by himself because the dismissal bell hadn’t even rang yet.

I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but this type of disrespect for not only parents, but human beings in general, seems almost commonplace in today’s society. I can hear some of you already foaming at the mouth ready to tell me how hitting your child is never an option. If you are one of those then I know you’ll be appalled when I tell you that the first time my daughter said a four-letter word she found out what Ivory soap tasted like. “Oh my God! Tell me you didn’t. That’s child abuse.”

Sorry, but I disagree. I didn’t make her eat the whole bar nor did I tie her hands behind her, berate and scream at her and tell her what a horrible kid she was. I simply enforced the fact that for every action there is a consequence and I believe the punishment should fit the crime. The small chip of soap that I rubbed across her teeth tasted horrible for sure, and as I committed what some of you will consider as some abusive horrible act, I explained to her that curse words sounded as foul as the soap tasted. My daughter is now twenty-five, has spent a four-year tour in the Air Force, and her vocabulary is still not littered with four letter words.

I’ll also admit that she found the light pop of the back of my hand a few times as well, until she learned that “Yes, sir," "No, sir," "Yes, ma'am," "No, ma'am.", and Please should precede any words spoken when talking to or responding to adults. I am proud to say, that she still shows this manner of respect at all times. You may be wondering if this type of punishment was commonplace in my home. I can assure you it was not. Why? Because my daughter learned quickly that for every action, there is a consequence. We laid out the rules, we laid out the consequences for breaking those rules and then we enforced them. Children are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. They will push the boundaries; they will experiment, because this is how they learn.

However, if they find that consequences for their actions are simply non-existent, or amount to nothing more than a verbal threat then they feel free to continue their actions and push the boundaries even further until they’ve crossed a line that gets them in real trouble. In fact, some kids do things just to see if their parents love them or care enough to discipline them. I also know this from experience because after a particular incident my daughter told me so. “I just wanted to see if you really cared,” was her exact words to me. She found out real quick, by her punishment, that I did.

Parenting is no easy job. It’s hard to discipline your child. I have literally gone to my room, closed the door and cried every time I have had to administer punishment to my child whether it was physical, verbal, or simply a time out, or restriction. What is best for our child is not always, what is best for us as parents. It breaks your heart when you see your child cry or you know he’s angry with you. As parents, it is our job to teach our children the things that will help them become a self-dependant, respectful, loving, individual who knows how to love and how to be loved. Sometimes the best way to show your child you love them is to discipline them.

There are many doctors, child psychologist, and parents who will disagree I am sure. However, I would put my daughter up against any of today’s kids who have been coddled, spoiled, and allowed to “be their own person”, who have never been spanked, or had a mild pop in the mouth on occasion. And don’t get me started on feeding our kids drugs to make them behave.

Now some of you may be thinking, well this lady is some miss goodie two shoes who has had a perfect life. Sorry to disappoint you. My dad was a long-distance truck driver and my mom, God rest her soul, was an alcoholic, whom I love to the depths of my soul. My life was filled with some pretty unstable times. However, somehow my parents always managed to make sure we kids knew we were loved above all else. I have been a single mom who had to work two jobs just to put food on the table for my daughter and me. I have endured dealing with an ex and all the bad that comes with it. I have dealt with all the issues that come with having to make my daughter respect and love her stepfather, whom she now adores.

I guess what I’m getting at folks, is that every day when we wake up, we have choices to make. We cannot always prevent the things that life throws at us but we can choose how we deal with them. We are all victims of something or someone, but that does not mean we have to continue the cycle. If we don’t start parenting our children, instead of trying to be their pal the cycle will never end.

You have a brain, you have a heart, and you can find ways to make lemonade out of lemons. It want be easy I can assure you. It will indeed, take blood, sweat, and a lot of tears.

I grumble only because I care.

Your life is not what happens to you but how you react to what happens to you. That is what makes you who you are and sets you apart from the rest.
~by Debbie S