I Live with an Alien.

 

Today, I would like to offer a little insight for those who have women in their life’s who seem to have suddenly metamorphosed into a completely different human being than the one they once knew. Well, before you go running to the divorce lawyer, or mark your dear old mom up as a loony old woman, or disown your sister because you think she’s lost her mind, let me give you a little peek into why she may seem to be less than that loving and accommodating individual you’ve always known.

If she’s approaching the age of 50 menopause or what is often referred to, and rightly so, as the change of life may be the culprit.
The simple truth is that for women going through menopause it’s much like stepping back in time and reliving those teenage hormonal years with a myriad of added complications.

Here is a glimpse of what the women in your life, whose disposition you no longer recognize, might be experiencing. For those women who are approaching menopause, or for those who have women in their life’s approaching menopause, be forewarned. If you have ever raised a teenager, some of these symptoms might sound familiar.

Let’s start with, combative, bitter, angry, rebellious, cynical, frustrated, emotional, temperamental, and cantankerous. Are you shaking your head in agreement? Do you recognize these symptoms in any of the women in your life? Now, add to that insomnia, decreased libido, urinary inconsistencies, anxiety, itching, dry skin, weight gain, night sweats, hot flashes, depression, forgetfulness, and body aches. Then there’s hair loss in places women don’t want to lose hair and hair growth in places were women should never have hair. It’s not any one symptom but an accumulation of a range of these symptoms all happening in conjunction that transforms your once loving, peaceful spouse, wife, mother, sister into what appears to be some form of alien being.

Oh, and let’s not forget, this is coupled with the already stressful lifestyle women struggle with daily. Things like taking care of an elderly parent, nurturing a relationship with children and grandchildren, keeping the spouse happy, the home running smoothly, all the while trying to stay on top of the other numerous demands on their time from the tons of other obligations that they can’t keep from saying yes to because it’s somehow expected of them.

Let me paint you a picture of a typical day in the life of a woman going through menopause.

You get up in the morning to go to work after getting a night of fitful if any sleep in damp sweat soaked PJ’s. You climb out of bed only to discover that when your feet hit the floor, your knees and joints feel as if someone has beaten them with a hammer during the night. You push through the pain to rush to the bathroom before your bladder gives way knowing you may just not make it and knowing if you don’t you don’t have time to clean up the accident, or you’ll be late for work.

You grab the pants you wore two days ago only to find that suddenly they no longer reach around your bloated belly. You continue to rush through your many morning chores while cursing because you can’t find any object in the house quite long enough to reach that annoying and continuous itch in the middle of your back, and you’ve already scratched her legs until they look like you and the cat had a fight. 

It’s 30 degrees outside, the heater is set on 70, because the rest of your family is cold, yet you feel like someone dipped you in hot molten lava and your clothes are sticking to you like you’ve been playing basketball for an hour under the blazing sun. You then somehow manage to make it through the day glad you weren’t fired because you nearly knocked the boss over fighting to get to the bathroom so you wouldn’t pee on the new carpet he had laid.

You arrive home only to realize that you forgot to go by the grocery store, pick up your dad’s medicine, and drop off the flyers for the organizational lunch you signed up for a month ago. You have maybe half an hour before your husband arrives expecting super on the table. Luckily, you put on a crock-pot of something yummy for supper, but when you go to check you realize you forgot to plug the crock-pot in. You frantically search through the cabinets hoping to find something more appetizing than crackers and cheese that can be cooked in less than fifteen minutes. Your husband arrives home none too happy to discover ham sandwiches for supper but willing to let it slid if you can manage to fit in a little “alone time.”

Inadvertently, you roll your eyes, which hurts his feelings, and you wonder why any man would want to be intimate with an oversized, sweaty, itchy, achy, wrinkled, hippo all the while crossing your fingers that you don’t pee on yourself for the tenth time today. You wonder how many Tylenol you’ll have to down to give you enough relief from your achy joints to be able to comply with his wishes. Need I go on, or are you getting the picture?

Some of you are probably thinking, well aren’t there hormone pills and tons of other medications women can take to help offset some of these diabolical symptoms. Of course there are. However, your woman then has to weigh the options of risking cancer, drug dependency, and suffering from the various other side effects that come with taking such medications. Frustrating decisions to say the least.

Menopause is real it’s not some made-up excuse so that women can go ballistic. You now have a heads up as to why the women in your life have transformed into a disgruntled ogre instead of the loving, easy going, joyful, good-natured individual you once knew. Remember her emotional and physical status is beyond her control and that in itself is exasperating. So what can you do? There are no easy answers, but you can try to be a tad more patient, appreciative, understanding, and sympathetic.

1. You can avoid some of the pitfalls and frustration by educating yourself about menopause.
   
2. Communicate, let her know you don’t think she’s crazy and your shoulder is there for her. Be certain to assure her you believe her when she says she can’t help how she acts.
   
3. Don’t take everything she does and says as a personal attack.
   
4. If she needs more alone time or time with her girlfriends or wants to start a new adventure, be supportive.
   
5. Offer ideas for doing things together and laugh with her and not at her. Sometimes laughter can be the best remedy for both of you.

With that thought in mind, here are a few things to make you smile.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause, you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. - Author Unknown

Warning You’re in Menopause if…

1.  You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 
2.  Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' and grandkids names and birth dates on them. 
4.  Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." And you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie friggin' Nelson." 
5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. 
6. You have to change your underwear after every sneeze. 
7. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. 
8. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 
9. An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
10. Your first reaction upon entering a store is to locate the restroom sign.

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